May 2010
1 post
foxy thumbs
lolapathy: also, i googled her number and it didnt bring anything up
lolapathy: like, literally 0 pages
lolapathy: i typically get the shit like, ohio cell phone, pay to find more etc etc
re5etsmyth: what is the number?
lolapathy: who cuts your hair? you're adorable! call me 'm kaite 8849 5555
re5etsmyth: thats not the right number of numbers
lolapathy: woah
lolapathy: i just realized that..
lolapathy: oh goodness.
lolapathy: it looks like its going to be 849 5555
re5etsmyth: well there you go
re5etsmyth: maybe she has toe thumbs
re5etsmyth: like megan fox
re5etsmyth: http://wfnx.com/blogs/sandbox/megan%20fox%20toe%20thumbs.jpg
lolapathy: thats gross!!
re5etsmyth: toe thumbs.
lolapathy: :/
re5etsmyth: just make sure you get a look
lolapathy: i will
re5etsmyth: as soon as you meet her demand to thumb wrestle before anything else
lolapathy: ahahahahahahhaha
lolapathy: she wont suspect a thing
re5etsmyth: she wont if she doesnt have toe thumbs.
February 2010
1 post
“I think dandies are the hipsters of yesteryear.”
– Neal, while atom was attempting to classify me as either a dandy or a hipster. We determined it was both (or “dipster”).
December 2009
3 posts
mistakes were...
Deanna: i think my bf really wanted to see that for some reason
Deanna: and i probably was meh about it
Deanna: and thus it was never seen
Me: you meh'd a mistake
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH
Me: OH GOD I LOL
when is wikipedia day?
Deanna: um ash wednesday is like around easter
Deanna: or something
Deanna: 12 years of catholic school!
Me: february 17, 2010
Me: 1 minute of wikipedia
“There needs to be a service that accepts live mice in the mail.”
– Atom, regarding non-lethal mouse traps, and what to do with the mice afterwards.
September 2009
2 posts
“We got bushes that attract more bees than you’ve seen in your life! You...”
– Atom, guessing at how the bushes outside our office came to be.
“I’ve drunk a lot tonight. Drank. Drinked. Shut up, I speak more languages...”
– Elena, after having drinked quite a bit.
August 2009
4 posts
shave in hell
atom: what ya got there?
me: a beard trimmer.
atom: go to hell.
(atom hates when I shave)
nasty fast food hivemind
(the first two lines happened simultaneously)
Me: i want to leave early, take fifth and stop by marino's
Atom: you wanna head out early and get some nasty fast food breakfast?
Atom: haha
Atom: hivemind
Me: that was fucking sweet
should've used a shortener
re5etsmyth: http://www.xvideos.com/video210796/mini_eel_enema
kremdela: I'm not watching that
re5etsmyth: why
predictions
Me: Look at those clouds. It looks like a dog being chased by a bear with a dwarf on its back riding backwards.
atom: It's going to rain.
July 2009
3 posts
and some champagne from ebay
Atom: this bitch has no idea what she is in for
Atom: got reservations at a fancy restaurant, where there will be flowers WAITING AT THE TABLE
Atom: internet +1
dead sea phishing
atom: just ate a big plate of shrimp
Lauren: eating most delicious coneys. they actually came out pretty good second day
atom: my farts smell like a dead vagina
Lauren: YUM
atom: pervert.
Lauren: you're the worst
Lauren: and i don't like you anymore
atom: haha
Lauren: it was an unfortunate scrolling of words
Lauren: i am going to close the window
Lauren: and reopen
Lauren: as to avoid seeing those words again
is that a no-point-oh?
mdrb2k: i'm going to say something, and then i want you to let your imagination run wild
mdrb2k: tattoo-point-oh
mdrb2k: eh? EH?!
mdrb2k: agile socially networked tattoo crowdsourcing
[Tyler signed off]
June 2009
3 posts
i'm picturing a dick tracy villain
Brendan: i want a good nickname.
Atom: what about puddles
Brendan: as a nick name?
Brendan: id be proud to be called puddles
Atom: yeah
Atom: you are gonna have to start peeing your pants in public
Brendan: ahahahahah
Brendan: fine fine
Brendan: like
Brendan: get into a fight
Brendan: and we have a stand off
Brendan: you snap your fingers
Brendan: and go
Brendan: show em the stuff puddles
Brendan: and ill step forward
Brendan: and piss my pants
Atom: hahaha
Brendan: then start crying
i'll pound your cake
atom: :0 C=======8
atom: X|======8
atom: X|==8
atom: X|8
atom: X|==8
Sebbe: you got pound cake?
atom: X|======8
atom: yeah come have some
where can i find gift certificates?
Me: oh? surgery?
Laura: no, diet and exercise...the boobs were the first to go
Me: even better
Laura: yeah, I miss them a little
Laura: they are still pretty big...just feel tiny to me
Me: you should get hand reduction surgery so they feel bigger
Laura: lmao
Laura: good idea
Laura: then penises would feel bigger too
Me: oooh, nice!
Me: i know what all my future girlfriends are getting for christmas
May 2009
2 posts
if they're lucky?
Xxxx: The strangest place I've ever had sex? The embalming table at a state penitentiary.
JR: Wow, most people only get to lay on that once.
April 2009
3 posts
“I don’t want him to get murdered. I just think it’s funny that...”
– Atom, explaining his interest in Brendan’s new modeling career.
a lovely day for a beating
Elena: I had a dream the other night about you. Are you okay?
Ex: Yeah I'm good... a dream huh? Sounds yummy.
Elena: I dreamed we were in a park and the police were beating you with their batons.
“I need somebody to come over and shave me while I sleep.”
– Cliff, after showing up at the office looking particularly haggard.
March 2009
12 posts
just shout in the tube
Brendan: ask beau what he wants
Atom: you ask him
Brendan: aren't you like right next to him?
Atom: yeah
Atom: aren't you right next to the internet?
she sells cell phones by the sea shore
Me: "Where do you work?"
Her: "Nextel."
Me: "That's cool, what do you do there?"
Her: "Sell phones."
Me: "That's a pun."
Her: "Because I use Sprint?"
Me: "No, that's ironic."
(Found this in some archives of mine. It's originally from January 11th, 2005)
“It’s like Diablo 2. It’s all about killing fools and shopping.”
– Bion, describing Titan Quest.
“Don’t look up the title, it’ll ruin the movie. It’s called...”
– Atom, ruining the movie anyhow. Actually, it turned out to not be that big of a secret.
“Chicks always srieked at me and even men did in the public comfort station! ...”
– One of my favorite spam messages evar.
it's as good a reason as any
JR: brb dragon
would it be better if they didn't wake you up?
elenamary: i woke jason up instead and told him to go be a man
mdrb2k: i'd be so pissed if someone woke me up to be a man
elenamary: i wouldnt be pissed if a man woke me up and asked me to be a woman
mdrb2k: i would be
bladder-hack
mdrb2k: he's worked for UPS before
mdrb2k: he said some guy showed him a "trick"
mdrb2k: this trick was how to pee in a truck so you didn't have to take a bathroom break
most problems can be solved this way
mudkipsdesu: my mom lent me a skirt once
mudkipsdesu: but she will never do that again.
mudkipsdesu: her and my father constantly accuse me of being a "faggot"
mudkipsdesu: i just start talking about how i wish to be a little girl
mudkipsdesu: and how when i dress up like one it feels right
mudkipsdesu: and im happy
mudkipsdesu: and that i wish they accepted me for who i was
mudkipsdesu: then they are like
mudkipsdesu: jesus christ brendan are you serious
mudkipsdesu: and i just smile and yell youll never know and skip away
darkfall? more like darkfarm!
mdrb2k: balls, i'm getting trolled hardcore
mudkipsdesu: how so
mdrb2k: spawn camping, essentially
mdrb2k: primarily from a clan called ServerPolice
mdrb2k: I shouted "police brutality" but everyone just laughed
mudkipsdesu: haha awww
mdrb2k: oh, turns out he just needed to kill several of my race for a quest
mdrb2k: so i said
mdrb2k: "well i guess that's ok then"
mdrb2k: and then i made a face like
mdrb2k: :-/
mudkipsdesu: dawww
mudkipsdesu: thats why i dont play those kinds of games
mudkipsdesu: people are meanies
mdrb2k: NOW THIS GUYS FARMING ME FOR ALIGNMENT!
mdrb2k: WHAT IS GOING ON?! IT'S LIKE I'M A FUCKING NPC!
mudkipsdesu: ahahah
hamburgle that shit
mudkipsdesu: christ
mudkipsdesu: my friend is trying to like
mudkipsdesu: get me to help him break into a house at this park
mudkipsdesu: so he can try to live there for 21 years
mudkipsdesu: and get adverse possession
mudkipsdesu: and get the house for free
mdrb2k: tell him to break into mcdonald's and get a job
“We use the food you eat to decorate the food we eat.”
– Atom, to a vegetarian, regarding vegetarianism.
December 2008
3 posts
“It’s an unnecessary pain in the ass. I don’t mind a pain in the...”
– Atom, regarding why not to bother with an install script for non-distributed software.
dream sluts
Laura: well it doesnt make me very happy....have you ever had to interact with someone after having sex dreams about them...its very awkward, I had a pack of sex dreams about **** once and I still cant look at him the same
mdrb2k: i have sex dreams about everyone i know
what more could she want?
The following is a collective response from Atom and myself (written by Atom) to this classy lady:
Me and my best buddy were dicking about on craigslist and came across your post. We both thought you sounded like a dream come true. Linked below is a picture of us taken on my birthday. I am 25 and he is 26. We live in the short north, work together at a website where we do incredibly nerdy...
November 2008
3 posts
“I’m at the fucking Cheesecake Factory, goddamnit!”
– Some guy at Easton yelling into his cellphone, much to the amusement and chagrin of passerbys.
“You’re about to have some down-home cooking… out of this...”
– Atom, while making me an egg sandwich on his new kitchen toy.
expert lawmancer wanted
Kreamy: what do you need a lawyer for?
mdrb2k: ex-landlord is getting frisky
mdrb2k: atom sent an email to a super lawyer. he was awarded the super lawyer title by super lawyer magazine.
Kreamy: oh god
September 2008
3 posts
“He gets mad if I don’t let him cut me.”
– Krissi, regarding “homeopathic remedies”
“Shit, bitch; we’ll have a mouseover.”
– Atom, while assisting me in creating a user interface.
i accidentally what you're talking about
mudkipsdesu: no, but one time i accidentally a coca cola bottle
Atom: you accidentally what
mudkipsdesu: i accidentally a coca cola bottle
mudkipsdesu: an entire bottle
Atom: you accidentally what
mudkipsdesu: i accidentally a coca cola bottle
Atom: accidentally what a coca cola bottle
mudkipsdesu: i accidentally a whole coca cola bottle
Atom: what about the coca cola bottle
mudkipsdesu: i accidentally one
August 2008
5 posts
on the secrets of invisibility
mdrb2k: this is a ripoff. last time i found this he was offering, like, six bonus books
mdrb2k: the bonus books were awesome. it was a completely amazing random collection of ebooks
mdrb2k: like "how to turn invisible, get women and fix your car"
Laura: lol...all very useful things
Laura: I would love to meet the people who buy this
mdrb2k: YOU CAN'T THEY'RE INVISIBLE
Laura: lmao....oh yeah, I forgot
and it likes it
Atom: subwoofer is HUGE
Atom: extraordinary magnitude
Atom: its about the size of my file server times 2
mdrb2k: that's pretty big
Atom: know those holes they have in the front?
mdrb2k: yeah
Atom: i can fist it about up to the elbow
hyper dickery
Atom: good
Atom: http://www.hyperdonkey.com/
Atom: ,,,
Atom: ?
mdrb2k: pink
Atom: what the hell are they doing?
mdrb2k: making shopping for electronics a rad experience again
mdrb2k: donkey style
Atom: im so confused
mdrb2k: their background is flash
mdrb2k: so it can pulsate
mdrb2k: slightly
Atom: cuz nothing else can handle that
Atom: its 2 flashs
Atom: plus one in the middle
mdrb2k: i think i'm going to judge the whole site based on this discovery alone
mdrb2k: and feel completely justified while doing it
Atom: yeah
“You… slut!”
– Atom, upon realizing that I intended to post the first non-Atom conversation here.
i offered to get delivery
mdrb2k: k, ordered
mdrb2k: should be ready in 15-30
Tyler: ok, sweet, under what name?
mdrb2k: mine
mdrb2k: i give you permission to pretend you are me and trick them
Tyler: I'll leave here in 10
mdrb2k: oh hey
mdrb2k: you might need to say you're "Beau Dacious"
mdrb2k: that's the name that it was placed under
Tyler: oh my god you dork
July 2008
2 posts
“Those guys are rocking dick all over the block.”
– Atom, regarding the ExpressionEngine team’s ability to turn out a CMS that doesn’t suck like all of the others.
see that check there? that was the rent.
Atom: what a grumpster
mdrb2k: i'd be a grumpster too if i had to deal with us :p
Atom: meh
Atom: we always give him money
mdrb2k: not the right amount
Atom: ah
Atom: what was the deal with the water
mdrb2k: dunno, i paid it and told him last time that i did
mdrb2k: maybe he doesn't check his email
Atom: maybe he doesn't check his AWWW CMON FUCK A GUY